My name is Malik. In 2020, I began searching for a foreign wife in a thoughtful and hands-on way. I researched dating cultures, tested dating sites, spoke with relationship experts, and interviewed couples in international marriages. I also traveled, paying close attention to how people date, communicate, and form relationships.
Indonesia stood out because of its strong family values, traditional culture, and warm, polite women. I spent time there both online and offline, meeting women, observing the dating culture firsthand, and learning from my mistakes and successes. This guide reflects what I’ve seen and experienced. It’s not theory—it’s what actually worked for me.
Take this short quiz to better understand your preferences and get personal tips on how to meet a foreign wife.
How to Date Women from Indonesia?
Respect Comes First
Dating in Indonesia is not like dating in Western countries. Religion, family, and social expectations shape the way people interact. Many women see dating as the first step toward a long-term relationship, not just a casual activity.
If you’re respectful and patient, you’ll have more success. When I tried to move too quickly with one woman I met from Surabaya, she stopped replying. Later I learned she felt I was skipping over basic cultural steps, like getting to know her family or asking about her values.
Religion Matters
Most Indonesian women are Muslim. Even if they’re open-minded or live in big cities, many still follow Islamic customs—wearing modest clothes, avoiding alcohol, or not dating late at night. It’s not just about religion—it’s also about family reputation.
In Jakarta, I met a woman named Dita. We got along well, but she asked early on if I’d be okay with a future that involved religion. She wasn’t trying to convert me—she just wanted to know I’d be respectful. That small conversation built a lot of trust.
Family Is Part of the Relationship
In many Indonesian families, women live at home until marriage. If she introduces you to her parents, it’s not casual—it means she’s serious. In Yogyakarta, a woman named Rina invited me for dinner with her parents after a few weeks of chatting. I wore a batik shirt and brought a small gift. Her father later told me my respectful attitude made a strong impression.
Dating Indonesian Women – Culture and Expectations
Traditional Values with a Modern Twist
Indonesian women value politeness, patience, and sincerity. In bigger cities like Jakarta or Bandung, you’ll meet women who are modern but still care deeply about tradition. In smaller towns like Solo or Padang, the culture is often more conservative.
Taking things slow is important. Many women prefer to chat online for weeks before meeting. Compliments are okay but should feel natural. I once told a woman from Bali that her profile looked “very elegant” instead of using flirty lines. She thanked me and said she was tired of men who acted like players.
How to Behave on a Date
Public affection is limited. In Jakarta, holding hands is okay in modern areas like SCBD or Kemang, but kissing is seen as too much, especially outside tourist zones. On a first date in Yogyakarta, I noticed locals watching us closely just for sitting too close in a café.
Dress well and act respectfully. Women often expect men to pay for the meal, but showing genuine interest and kindness matters more than money.
My Journey in Indonesia
First Impressions in Jakarta
I arrived in Jakarta in early 2021. The city felt alive—traffic, skyscrapers, and busy cafés—but under the surface, people moved with careful politeness. I practiced using polite words like “Permisi” (excuse me) and “Terima kasih” (thank you), which helped a lot.
I met women I had been chatting with online. Some were shy, others were curious, but nearly all appreciated my interest in their culture. One of my best conversations happened in a small warung (local eatery), where we talked about how she balanced religion with her career in tech.
Contrasts Between Cities
In Bali, people were more relaxed. I went on a beach date with a woman who had lived abroad. She was more casual, but still asked if I respected Balinese ceremonies. In Yogyakarta, people were more formal. A simple compliment went further than any flirty message.
Best Ways to Meet Women from Indonesia
Offline Dating
Cafés and malls are good starting points. I met one woman at Kopi Kenangan in Grand Indonesia mall. We talked about our favorite foods and ended up having nasi goreng (fried rice) nearby. Festivals also work well. The Java Jazz Festival in Jakarta was full of friendly people open to conversations.
Always start slow. In a traditional setting, a simple “Hi, is this seat taken?” works better than anything bold.
Online Dating
Dating apps are big in Indonesia. These worked best for me:
- NaomiDate
- Tantan
- Badoo
- SakuraDate
Make your profile simple and sincere. Mention interests that show you care about the culture. My profile said I liked Indonesian food and wanted to learn Bahasa. That helped me stand out.
First messages should feel personal. I once messaged, “I saw you like wayang kulit. Have you ever been to the show at Museum Wayang?” That sparked a real chat.
Women often prefer talking for a while before meeting. Don’t rush. I once waited almost a month before meeting one woman in person, but by then, the trust was solid.
Dating Culture in Indonesia
Many Indonesian women view relationships seriously. They want someone who respects their culture. Casual dating isn’t as common, especially outside major cities.
Family opinion matters. A friend of mine dated a woman from Bandung, and after six months, her parents still hadn’t accepted him. When he learned some Bahasa and started visiting with small gifts, things changed.
In more traditional settings, women expect the man to lead. But that doesn’t mean being dominant—it means planning dates, being reliable, and showing clear intentions..
The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating Women from Indonesia
- Ask about her culture and values
- Use polite and respectful language
- Be patient and let trust build over time
- Dress well and act with manners
- Take family introductions seriously
- Plan comfortable, quiet dates
- Don’t flirt aggressively or rush intimacy
- Avoid politics, religion, or money at the start
- Don’t ignore local customs—no kissing in public
- Don’t pressure her for quick commitment
- Don’t flash money to impress her
How to Maintain a Relationship with a Woman from Indonesia
Long-Term Commitment
Women expect stability. If things go well, talk about marriage and future plans sooner than you might be used to. One woman I dated in Semarang asked about my plans for the next five years by the third date.
Language & Culture
Knowing a few words in Bahasa helps a lot. “Cantik sekali” (very beautiful) still makes women smile. Even basic phrases show that you’re serious.
If you plan to live together, talk about location early. Many women are close to their families and may not want to move far. I met a woman who was willing to move abroad but only after we visited her hometown and talked with her parents.
Long-Distance Tips
Video calls, consistent texting, and setting dates for visits are important. Show you’re serious by staying present and engaged. Trust is everything.
The Biggest Challenges of Dating Women from Indonesia
Family involvement can be intense. Some women need family approval before dating seriously. I dated someone whose father had to meet me twice before he felt okay with us continuing.
Religion can also create misunderstandings. During Ramadan, I once suggested a dinner date—big mistake. She reminded me she was fasting. I apologized, learned, and we met after sunset instead.
Don’t expect public affection. Even in Bali, kissing in public can draw attention. In conservative areas, even hand-holding is limited.
There’s also pressure to take the lead. Planning, paying, and guiding the relationship usually falls to the man. But if you come off too flashy, it can look fake.
Final Thoughts & Next Steps
Dating Indonesian women is rewarding if you take the time to understand their culture. If you’re respectful, sincere, and patient, the chances of forming a real connection are high.
Start by meeting women online—IndonesianCupid and Tantan work well. If you feel a connection, visiting Indonesia will help you see what dating here really feels like.
For more real-world advice, check my other guides. If you need help with your approach, I also offer personal consultations based on my own experience.
FAQ
Yes. Many are open to it, but they usually want commitment. Build trust first and be clear about your intentions.
It’s not required, but helpful. Learn basic phrases like:
- “Apa kabar?” (How are you?
- “Terima kasih” (Thank you)
- “Cantik sekali” (Very beautiful)
If she replies often, asks about your life, or mentions family early on, she’s likely serious. Avoid women who ask for money too soon or give vague answers.
Dress clean and modest. A collared shirt and jeans work well in cities. If meeting family, a batik shirt is a great touch. Avoid shorts or sleeveless shirts in traditional areas.